2013 LGBT Accomplishments and More



2013 has been a powerful year of accomplishments for the members of the LGBT community. It has also been a great year as a self identified transgender man and open bisexual in New York City.  Here are some of the international, national and city LGBT moments of 2013 (not in any particular order)

  • Aziz Ansari Took Down Homophobia in 2 minutes flat
  • Barilla Pasta’s CEO learned NOT to mess with the LGBT community
  • Orange is the New Black and Laverne Cox become the first mainstream scripted television series too cast a transwoman of color in a leading role
  • GLAAD Expanded it’s mission to include Trans* Rights
  • Steamy Photo- Shoot featuring Ines Rau a Transwoman, made waves
  • Chelsea Manning bravely opened up about her gender identity
  • Kristen Beek became the first Transgender Navy SEAL to come out after her service
  • Islan Neetles death sparked calls from Politicians to Pass GENDA (Gender Expression Non-Discrimination Act)
  • Same Love- Macklemore & Ryan Lewis
  • The Boy Scouts will allow gay boys too be scouts
  • NBA Jason Collins Came out
  • Pope Francis “If someone is gay and seeks the Lord with good will, who am I to judge”
  • Jodie Foster Came Out
  • 75% of Millennial Came Out in Support of Marriage Equality
  • DOMA and Prop 8 struck down on the same day
  • Bryan John Ellicott and the HRC
  • July 7th Launch of this Blog
  • New Jersey, Hawaii, Delaware, Maryland, Illinois, Rhode Island, Minnesota, Utah
  • Colorado allows Civil Unions
  • Republican Rob Portman came out in Support of his gay son & Marriage Equality
  • Raven Simone Came Out on twitter
  • Edie Windsor @ NYC Pride
  • Tim Cook Came Out in Support of ENDA (Employment Non-Discrimination Act)
  • France, New Zealand, England and Wales, Uruguay all got Marriage Equality
  • Germany offers a third gender option on birth certificates
  • GQ Magazine Germany shot straight allies committed to Ending Homophobia
  • Australia’s PM took down every argument against Marriage Equality in One Speech
  • Activist fought back against Russia Anti-Gay Law
  • President Obama appointed Gay Athlete Billy Jean to Represent USA in the Sochi Olympics




“I’m not fighting for my life, I’m fighting for the lives of all these other people who have not been able to find help. We need to change medicine. We need to make history. For my son to be able to say, ‘That was my dad… he started this.’ That would be amazing.” — Lamont Valentin


YouTube of Lamont (additional video available): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13V0EQgnAYc

Link to Al Jazeera article on Lamont: http://ow.ly/rSRA9

NEW YORK CITY — On Wednesday, December 18th at 6 pm in Rockefeller Center, ACT UP/New York will hold a demonstration “In Loving Memory and Outrage” for Lamont Valentin. Born with HIV in 1984, Lamont died at age 29 on a New York City bus on December 3rd—only days after World AIDS Day and the signing of the HIV Organ Policy Equity (HOPE) act by President Obama.

But despite the HOPE act, which now allows HIV-positive people to donate organs to their HIV-positive peers, people living with HIV who otherwise qualify for transplants still face unfair barriers. Lamont, spent the last year of his life with his wife and son trying to be listed for lung transplant at New York-area transplant centers, beginning with New York-Presbyterian/Columbia University Medical Center. Even though he had his HIV under control and a stable immune system, in every case he was denied listing and was told that a lung transplant for him would be “contra-indicated,” a term which means inadvisable. Lamont was turned away without further testing.

“The great deal of research that has been conducted over the past fifteen years, particularly involving people living with HIV undergoing kidney and liver transplants, has consistently demonstrated that survival rates of both the patient and the organ received are, in many cases, on par with those seen in HIV-negative individuals,” said Tim Horn, HIV Project Director at the Treatment Action Group (TAG).

“The science supporting organ transplant surgery in people living with HIV boded well for Lamont and bodes well for others in desperate need of donor organs.”

After surviving childhood opportunistic pneumonias, and years of doctors telling him that he wouldn’t live for long, Lamont grew to be a strong, loving man who worked with Streetworks and Camp AmeriKids, organizations that serve adolescents and children with HIV. Although he never smoked and had no other health complications, eventually his earlier lung damage led to lung failure. This developed about the time of the birth of his son, Mason, who was an unbounded joy to him. Determined to live for his son, Lamont, along with his family and larger support system, began to seek treatment for his lung failure.

Lamont and many other people living with HIV face an organ transplant policies that are slow to catch up with present-day science and treatment. In 1988, professional medical societies published guidelines that prohibited organ transplantation for or by HIV infected individuals. As treatments and survival rates began to change, successful transplantations were performed, leading the kidney- and liver transplant organizations to remove HIV from the list of disqualifying conditions, enabling those transplantations to go forth with cautionary management and scrutiny.

In 2009, the Organ Procurement & Transplantation Network (OPTN) revised its policies on HIV status in recipients. It reiterates an earlier position that: “A potential candidate for organ transplantation whose test for HIV is positive but who is in an asymptomatic state should not necessarily be excluded from candidacy for organ transplantation, but should be advised that he or she may be at increased risk of morbidity and mortality because of immunosuppressive therapy.” It is important to note however that HIV agents not then commonly in use can safely manage the interaction between HIV therapies and the immune-suppressive drugs used post-transplant.

In spite of successful lung and heart transplantations into HIV-positive people, the International Society of Heart and Lung Transplantation (ISHLT) guidelines still list HIV infection as an absolute disqualification. Transplant centers in other states do perform transplants for people with HIV. There are even reports of people with HIV in New York being listed for lung transplant, with the provision that their T-cell counts improve.  But Lamont was never offered that provisional listing at any New York-area center.

The Columbia University Medical Center’s Center for Advanced Cardiac Care has performed twelve heart transplantations to HIV-positive recipients, even though heart transplants are subject to the same guidelines as lung transplants.

Even with these examples of success, Lamont was not considered for a lung transplant by multiple hospitals. “I truly see Lamont as a national hero, a man who survived so much adversity—and through all of the darkness was able to create a meaningful, joyful life and a loving family,” said Adam Melaney, a man who became friends with Lamont when facilitating a support group for HIV-positive youth.

“When he was in my support group—the thing that stood out to Lamont was that he wanted to set goals to be the person he could be. He inspired other young people to see the best in themselves and reclaim any lost dreams,” Melaney said. “As someone who has worked in New York City hospitals, it was appalling to watch as the system that was entrusted to save his life ended up sentencing him to death.”

There’s no doubt that Lamont’s HIV status played a negative role in his qualification for transplant listing, Indeed, as long as HIV is an absolute disqualifier, fair transplant listing is out of reach for people with HIV. Stephen Helmke, long-time AIDS activist and medical research manager stated, “It is simply unjust, inhumane and unscientific to leave the present guidelines in place.”

To publicly mourn that Lamont will be absent for Christmas, join ACT UP and Lamont’s family and friends in a peaceful caroling and ceremony at Rockefeller Center—the first step in a campaign to reform New York’s outdated transplant guidelines that could send more people living with HIV to an early death.

Date: Wednesday, December 18th   Time: 6pm      Location: Rockefeller Center






Media: Reed Vreeland – 917-573-6328reed.vreeland@gmail.com

Justice for Lamont Valentin- Join ACT UP Wednesday

Lamont Valentin was a man with a wife and son who needed a lung transplant to survive. He spent the past few weeks trying to get one of the 10 NYC-area transplant centers to commit to performing his lung transplant and add him to the national organ donor registry. But because he was living with HIV, New York-Presbyterian Hospital and other NYC hospitals refused to perform his lung transplant, denying him access to the national organ donor registry, which could have saved his life. Lamont died on Dec 3, leaving his son without a father.

Lamont was born with HIV in 1984 and was regularly told that he would not survive into adulthood. Despite these predictions, Lamont’s HIV became under control. In 2012, before the birth of his son, he became ill due to long term lung afflictions that he developed at a young age. His health deteriorated to the point where he needed a lung transplant. None of these health issues were due to his being HIV+, and yet, HIV was used as the reason by NY-Presbyterian for denying him a transplant.

HIV status has not been proven as a determining factor for a person’s health post-transplant, and yet, NYC-area hospitals continue to regard HIV as a life-threatening condition across the board, even while hospitals in other states regularly perform organ transplants on HIV+ people.

ACT UP demands that NY Presbyterian and other NYC transplant centers commit to performing life-saving transplants on all qualified New Yorkers regardless of their HIV status.

Join ACT UP in raising the public’s awareness about the injustice Lamont suffered leading up to his death and about how New York’s outdated transplant guidelines could send more people living with HIV to an early death.


Date: Wed Dec 18
Time: 6pm
Location: Rockefeller Center (meet up location TBD)
Why: Share Lamont’s story and demand that NY-area hospitals perform organ transplants on qualified HIV+ people
Directions: Take the B,D,F,M to Rockefeller Center

ACT UP New York meets every Monday night at 7pm at the LGBT Center on 13th St.

“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet.”

“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet.” Romeo and Juliet Act II, Scene II


It’s been two years since I came out as transgender and chose the name Bryan John. It wasn’t an easy decision to come out or too decide on a name for myself one that would represent me, but represent whom I saw myself as and who I knew myself too be. It also gave myself the personal challenge that I knew I needed in order too see this thru and too get me thru all the battles I was going too face. The discrimination, the physical demand with going on HRT, and the mental.


 It’s not that I didn’t like my name and its nothing to do with me not liking women, I have never felt, looked or identified within the feminine spectrum. Nothing has changed about me other than my gender identity and expression I am really the same person.


Telling my first person that I was transgender that was easy, telling my best friend and at the time my boss was one of the easiest things. I was in an environment where this could be handled in the best way it could be.


However when I decided to take on the name Bryan John and more importantly I knew off the bat I was going to keep my last name regardless. I did however make the decision that I would name myself after my Dad. Not something I took lightly because it meant something. Especially after my Dad getting sick and passing away from a 9/11 illness in 2007. I struggled with not wanting to erase him from any part of my life.


I also knew what I was about to under go with transition that I need to call in some of the very strength my Dad had, but be handled accountable for who I was and what I was about too undergo.


I hold myself to a very high standard, one my Dad would have held me too as person and as a man. The bar was set by me…too do nothing less than what he would have done or would have expected me to do. 


Now two years later it’s really hard for me too hear people not use my name or my preferred gender pronoun (PGP) regardless how often you see me, or talk to me, speak with me on Facebook. This is who I am and this is who I continue too be, I am not going back and going back is not an option for me. It however hurts more than you know if you do it…regardless of the intention or not. Ignorance or malicious it still hurts, and we don’t need to have a whole conversation on it. It a behavior that needs to be corrected and you need to at least make the attempt. It is one of the most painful things that can be avoided if you just make the attempt. It doesn’t mean you can’t make mistakes it means that you need to try, reprogram your brain, and think before you speak. Those words do hurt…female pronouns and my birth name are the most painful thing you could ever do too me.


You would think after the past three years nothing would surprise me about a little church on Clove Road in Staten Island that I would know what to expect. The truth is no matter how strong I have become, and how much I know that those people and that deamination of the church will NOT accept me or that I am TRANSGENDER and I am BISEXUAL.


Every year that invite me too they’re little live nativity and their Christmas Eve service.  I go with the expectation that may just maybe things will get better and they will learn to accept me. Last night I was once against disappointed and let down, but more than anything I was hurt.


For once I wasn’t hurt by the lead Pastor, for once him and I had a conversation one that made me believe that maybe things are going too work out between us. I was really happy about it, him and I have had or share of complete blowouts toward each other.


However it was the people who just said “hey you” “how’s it going you” or “what you been up too”. I can deal with the non specific conversation because its just not going too happen. However to be introduced to a stranger as “Rose” and than “well actually I don’t know what you go by these days” “I knew her as Rose, but she thinks she is a man” that hurts more than anything…hurt enough too cry into the shoulder of a man who himself has no idea how to handle what he is witnessing before his eyes.


It hasn’t called me Bryan either but he hasn’t gone as far too hurt me or too make me feel unsafe and not cared about. However he has NEVER did what happened to me last night. He mentioned a friend of his Eric Lovett and part of his story, one that isn’t close to mine but very similar. However it explains part of it aren’t and parts of it are, but it shows how I need to go about this conversation. The choice is do I engage here…or do I just leave it alone. 

The face is I have no intention to go back too Evangelical Christianity, but I would like to be at least friends with these people and let me see that their is nothing wrong with being LGBT, I am still me and if you want to invite me too things this is who you get. Bryan will show up but that who you get. 


It is unseen what I will do about Pastor Eddie, Jack or my relationship with Eric Lovett, but I am not going to accept the malicious and lack of acceptance by certain people. 








Personal Call to Action for this Holiday Season

This holiday season I am looking for the final leg of support in my almost continuous fundraising effort for my top surgery here in the United States. I am $1,446 dollars short of my goal of $8,500 as of tonight.

Here is part of my evolving story of becoming Bryan…the political nerd, the bisexual/transgender activist and the emergency manager.

I have been really lucky in a way to be able to transition the way I have and to have some of the most influential people in New York City support and encourage me every step of the way during the past almost 2 years of my transition. I made the conscience decision that I would be as visible as possible during this process of transition and change in my life.  

I started my transition in 2010, while I was an intern for the Speaker of the City Council Christine C Quinn and her Community Outreach Unit on the 30th Floor of 250 Broadway here in New York City. On December 9th 2010 that building was the first place the name Bryan was said out loud and herd by others. That was a moment for me that I can’t forget because for that place to see me as Bryan and use male pronouns in front of others made it seem possible for me to be able to transition and not have to go into hiding for a little.

I was the first transgender person visible to graduate from the College of Staten Island; the proper name was not on my degree. Much to the disappointment of some people, I decided not to attend my college graduation that year. This is only the nicest hardship in the struggle of being transgender in the City of New York even with protections they aren’t enforced.

For me transitioning isn’t something you should put your life on hold while you do it. After Hurricane Sandy I felt something that I can only associate with as being a family thing…to provide assistance to survivors of an emergency in the city of New York. The reason I say a family thing is my biological Dad work as a 9/11 first responder as an EMT. So yeah I take emergency response as a family thing and something I am proud of. When I applied for FEMA

I forgot that, I’m transgender. Why because it wasn’t about that because it wasn’t about me being transgender it was about helping my community and doing the only thing, that I’ve known to do is respond. Yeah the background check made me bring it up but I got nothing too hide.

The day I got sworn in too FEMA, I became aware of how much of a big deal it was to everyone else, people from all 50 states had come to New York City to assist with Hurricane Sandy relief as part of FEMA. I was the first known transgender person that they had ever hired, so they had some questions things that needed to be change and of course people who weren’t ready for ” a guy like me”

The first couple days at the JFO (Joint Field Office) I would cross Queens Blvd to use the bathroom in a Starbucks because I was that uncomfortable after a confrontation with someone how said “he don’t have people like you back home, so you can’t use the bathroom here”, “my response was well you’re in New York City now so you may need to get use to the idea” That’s part of an already physically and mentally draining day working 16 hrs.

Even in New York City with the laws we have here, I have been treated anything but equal many times while out and about…so I had to out myself to my co-workers as we spent all our days outside with the public assisting them with the filing process for FEMA. Staten Island was my borough of deployment; I would be stationed from December till the end of March.

The men got use to me being in the restroom and they never were rude to me, but they did witness what happens when you are discriminated against. I spent so much time with them; they become protective of me and left places where I was given dirty looks, and comments that were about me. They left a restaurant without paying because of the owner being disrespectful and asking me to leave during a training day in Yonkers Toward the end of my deployment I was given the option to sign on as a reservist in Region 2 (NY, NJ, DE, CT) to not be able to safely do my job in NY because of my gender identity and gender expression played a big part in my decision to stay as a reservist.

After I was relieved from my job for that disaster I traveled too DC where I experienced the worst transphobic experience of my life by a National Organization. As we continue the fight to be accepted and understood by the world around us, many of can’t deal with looking at ourselves in the mirror everyday. I will NEVER go anywhere without my binder, not even to support my best friend when he ran for City Council this year and won. Not even when I know I may have to be outside of my apartment 20+ hrs. a day…if I am out of my apartment the binder is ON.


I need your support so I can continue what I do and encourage other self-made men like myself to be open, honest and confident in the process of transition.  


AIDS Center of Queens County Inc- World AIDS Day Dec 2nd 2013

Monday afternoon the President of The Queer Empowerment Project Kevin Wehle and myself attended the World AIDS day event at the AIDS Center of Queens County for the 25th World AIDS day celebration. Philip Glotzer the Executive Director of ACQC introduction the Keynote Speaker New York City Councilmember Daniel Dromm addressed the group on the history of HIV/AIDS pandemic in New York City and around the country for the past 25 years. In addition too Councilmember Dromm, Reverend Stacey Latimer Board Member of ACQC and Randall Bruce Community Advisory Board member of ACQC giving moving testimony of the progress and the continued work too move to a zero percent infection rate in New York City. 





Dec 1st. is World AIDS Day, an opportunity for people to come together globally, demonstrating international solidarity in the face of the HIV/AIDS pandemic. “Getting to Zero” has been as the theme for the years of 2011-2015, signifying a push toward greater access to treatment for all: ZERO new HIV infections, ZERO HIV/AIDS discrimination and ZERO AIDS related deaths. 

Monosexism and Biphobia

Once again the book Bi Notes for Bisexual Revolution by Shiri Eisner brings up the topic of monosexism and biphobia.

With the election of Mayor Elect Bill de BlasioAs the next Mayor of the City of New York and the continued disrespect of the bisexual community by either his wife or the media who asks his wife about her sexuality during her youth. I think the way the community is talked about regardless of her personal identity is the issue. We need to have our community included and spoke about not just the letter after Lesbian, Gay and before Transgender.

The bisexual community across the city of New York, and across the United States and even across the world in unbelievable that it doesn’t change much at all from this city at all. The idea that the bisexual community “don’t actually suffer oppression that is separate from homophobia or lesbophobia” the idea that the bisexual community is a “privileged” community is a very harmful one too those who identify with the definition of bisexuality.

  • To claim that bisexuals do not experience oppression differently from gays or lesbians is to subsume bisexual experience into homosexuality, eliminating its unique existence. No bisexual experience is to be found, then certainly the category itself is null[I]
  • Privilege acknowledges the existence of bisexuality, but connects it with the notion of privilege and thus oppressor status, again nullifying the unique oppression that bisexual experience and the need for specific attention to it.
  • The notion that bisexuals are only oppressed as a result of homophobia or lesbophobia erases the need for a unique bisexual liberation struggle and places bisexuals as “halfway” add on to the gay and lesbian movement. [II]

The definition of Biphobia from the reads as follows intense hatred, fear or aversion towards bisexuals or bisexuality, which may include negative stereotyping or denial of the existence of bisexuals.[III] This includes but not limited to books, blogs, movies, television shows, legislation and all aspects of life where lesbian and gay identified individuals are given the same positive attention.

Type of Media Name Year Reason I personally see it as Biphobia/ or positive things
Movie Alexander


bisexuality presented as a social norm
Movie Brokeback Mountain


not all people carry on multiple relationships are bisexual
Movie RENT


bisexuals aren’t the only ones with commitment issues and driving away lovers away
Books Drawing Blood


Portrayed as promiscuous, and unable to commit
Books Glamorama


outwardly homophobic and refers or his past identification as Bisexual
Television All My Children


Lena Kundera dated and had sex with several men before committing herself to Bianaca, first same sex kiss on an American soap opera 04/23/2003
Television Doctor Who


Captain Jack Harkness pansexual seen as norm by the 51 century
Television Glee


Brittney Pierce Fluid or Bicurious…but than says openly she is okay dating with a boy or girl
Television Grey’s Anatomy


Callie Torries married George O’Malley, had a baby with Mark Sloan but married Dr. Arizona Roberts, her character is bisexual but has never said it

These are just some examples of bisexual characters in Movies, Books and in Television over the years, some characters, it’s the job of those of use who use these forms of media to speak out when we see things that are offensive or untrue about the bisexual community, or any member of the diverse parts of the LGBTQ community.

Much like Shiri Eisner mentioned in the book when you Google search “biphobia” you would amaze what you find. The first links are…

These are much better posts than what I have seen in the past as bisexual activist and bloggers like myself try and keep the conversation in our control and stop the talk about myths.

When it comes to monosexism, which is the belief, that monosexuality whether its heterosexual or homosexual is superior to a bisexual or other non-monosexual orientation, dismissed bi and pansexual people as merely promiscuous.[IV] I agree that monosexism is not meant to completely replace biphobia, but it is a social structure and was formed as a way of oppression for all those who don’t share a monogamous lifestyle.

When you read between the lines about culture in order to delineate where it is that bisexuality is forbidden, denied or erased and why. It might also allow us to examine how monosexual people are themselves influenced and indeed oppressed by monosexism as well as to examine the privileges they might enjoy by virtue of this structure, all by way of deconstructing it.

Here is the list of some of the many privileges of a identifying as Monogamous[V]

Monogamous Privilege Checklist:

1) I can legally marry whomever I wish, with all the legal, medical, and financial benefits of marriage universally recognized for me and my family no matter where I live.*

2) I am not accused of being abused, warped, immoral, unethical, or psychologically confused because of my relationship orientation.

3) No one ever questions the validity of my love because of my relationship orientation.

4) It is not assumed based on my relationship orientation that I or any of my former or current partners has been misled, coerced, manipulated, or used in any way.

5) No one argues that my relationship orientation is impractical, unstable, incompatible with commitment, or otherwise effectively impossible to realize. No one argues that my relationship orientation works better in theory than in practice.

6) It is not assumed that my life must be overly-complicated because of my relationship orientation.

7) No one tries to convert me to their relationship orientation.

8 It is not assumed that I will switch relationship orientations as soon as I find the “right” person.

9) It is not generally understood that I am unfit to raise children because of my relationship orientation.

10) I can feel certain that my government will not suddenly remove my children to a foster home based on my relationship orientation.

11) As a responsible and loving parent, I won’t lose my children in a custody battle because of my relationship orientation.

12) As a responsible and loving adult, I can adopt children without lying about my relationship orientation.

13) I can be certain that my children won’t be harassed because of my relationship orientation.

14) My children are given texts and information at school that validates my family structure – two parents with kids, two sets of grandparents, etc.

15) It is not assumed based on my relationship orientation that my children are/were raised in an unstable environment.

16) No one assumes or speculates based on my relationship orientation that my children experience or ever will experience emotional, psychological, social, or behavioral problems.

17) I do not have to explain my relationship orientation to strangers whenever it comes up.

18) People don’t ask why I made my choice of relationship orientation.

19) People don’t ask why I made my choice to be public about my relationship orientation.

20) I don’t have to defend my relationship orientation.

21) I am not identified, categorized or grouped by my relationship orientation.

22) I am never asked to speak for everyone who shares my relationship orientation.

23) My individual behavior is not thought to reflect on all persons who identify with my relationship orientation.

24) If a romantic relationship of mine ends, no one blames my relationship orientation.

25) I can be sure that all of my roommates, classmates, and coworkers will be comfortable with my relationship orientation.

26) When I talk about my monogamy (such as in a joke or talking about my relationships), I am never accused of pushing my relationship orientation onto others.

27) I do not have to fear revealing my relationship orientation to friends or family. It’s assumed.

28) I do not have to fear that if my family, friends, or professional community find out about my relationship orientation there will be economic, emotional, physical, or psychological consequences for me or for others.

29) I can run for political office without expecting that my relationship orientation will disqualify me.

30) I can depart from most meetings, classes, and conversations without feeling fearful, excluded, isolated, attacked, outnumbered, unheard, held at a distance, stereotyped or feared because of my relationship orientation.

31) I can date whomever I wish, regardless of whether or not they previously identified with my relationship orientation, without fear that my new partner will be shunned by their friends and family due to their choice to embark upon a relationship with someone of my relationship orientation.

32) I am guaranteed to find people of my relationship orientation represented in my workplace.

33) I can be sure that my classes/courses/training will require curricular materials that testify to the existence of people with my relationship orientation.

34) I can easily find a religious community that will not exclude me based on my relationship orientation.

35) I am guaranteed to find sex education literature for people with my relationship orientation.

36) I can count on finding a therapist or doctor who will recognize my relationship orientation as valid, should I seek their services.

37) I can be sure that if I need legal or medical help my relationship orientation will not work against me.
38) Public hand-holding with my love is seen as acceptable and endearing. I can walk in public with my partner and not have people stare or do a double-take.*

39) I can choose not to think politically about my relationship orientation.

40) I can remain oblivious to the language and culture of other relationship orientations (i.e. polyamory, swinging, etc.) without paying any penalty for such obliviousness.

41) Even if I am oblivious about other relationship orientations, my culture affords me the privilege of judging those orientations and being an authoritative source of relationship advice because I am monogamous. This is especially true if I am a therapist, researcher, media darling, or other authority figure.

42) In everyday conversation, the language my friends and I use generally assumes my relationship orientation. For example, “family” meaning monogamous relationships with children.

43) Nobody calls me monogamous with malice.

44) I am not asked to think about why I am monogamous.

45) Society encourages me to marry and celebrates my commitment.*

46) My relationship orientation is commonly represented in music, television, movies, books, magazines, greeting cards, and postcards.

47) Major, mainstream social networking websites such as Facebook allow me to set my relationship status according to my relationship orientation.

48) I can go to relationship and dating events (i.e. singles events, relationship skills workshops) secure in the knowledge that my relationship orientation will be the standard and will be catered to.

49) I never need to change pronouns when describing the events of my life in order to protect my job, my family, or my friendships.*

50) If I’m a teenager, I can enjoy dating, first loves, and all the social approval of learning to love appropriately within my relationship orientation.*

51) If I’m called to work with children or to serve God (in most denominations), I don’t have to lie about my relationship orientation in order to keep my job.

52) I can count on my community of friends, acquaintances, strangers, and various institutions to celebrate my love and my family, mourn my losses, and support my relationships.*

53) It is not assumed merely because of my relationship orientation that I am experienced in sex (or that I even have it at all!).

54) It is not assumed that I am inclined toward my relationship orientation purely for sexual reasons.

55) It is not assumed based on my relationship orientation that I am more likely than average to have STIs.

56) It is not assumed based on my relationship orientation that I am unaware of the risks posed by my sexual behavior.

57) I am not assumed based on my relationship orientation to be sexually indiscriminate.

58) I do not have to deal with the language and culture of my relationship orientation being co-opted, redefined, and demonized by an unfriendly majority, which controls the media.

59) No one ever calls my relationship orientation “creepy” or “disturbing”.

60) I can befriend people without them and/or their romantic partners assuming that I am trying to convert them to my relationship orientation.

61) No one takes issue with their children being around me based on my relationship orientation.

62) I can be fairly certain that anyone who is in a committed, romantic relationship with me will also be invited to most parties, weddings, and other social events to which I am invited.*

63) No one makes assumptions about my political views or religious beliefs based on my relationship orientation.

64) No one refers to my relationship orientation by the wrong term or label, either intentionally or inadvertently.

65) I do not have to coin or invent terms to describe my relationship orientation and familial connections to others, because the language describing my relationship orientation already exists and is known throughout the culture.

66) No one ever ridicules or makes jokes about the terminology that people with my relationship orientation commonly use to describe their relationship structures and familial connections.

You don’t even need to be bisexual too experience this kind of behavior because of your choice in a consenting adult relationship.

This comes down to the real issue here. “Monosexism kills. Biphobia kills. Bisexual people commit suicide, bisexual people get sick, bisexual people lose our homes, our families, our friends, our communities, our support, our jobs, our money, our education; bisexual people suffer violence and sexual violence; we are beaten brutalized, bullied, bashed, raped, and sexually assaulted; we get STIs, no information, and no treatment; we get exploited, alienate, marginalized, disempowered, dismissed, erased, derided.”[VI]  Yet it is still all inside the head of the community and we have very little if any data that it happens because we are under represented or thrown into the wrong category based on the situation at hand.  We are wiped out of history, pop culture and our own bigger community