While sitting in the doctor’s office of my primary care physician who is providing my transition medical needs as well, I can across an article posted by a fellow trans* brother of mine from down south Ashton Brock Allen from The World Observer Online an article about the decision of a 44-year-old transgender man made to die by euthanasia after his final sexual reassignment procedure was botched and too him “turned him into a monster” and it got me to think what would I do if this situation was to happen, now obviously euthanasia isn’t legal here in the United States but still how would I handle it.
What I am about to say is the absolute truth and it may be unsettling to some of you, but the truth is. If I couldn’t be BRYAN and live as BRYAN, I wouldn’t want to live either. That’s why I have been pushing for my top surgery so hard, it’s the first thing I think about in the morning and it’s what I spend long nights thinking about when most of my city is asleep.
Every morning before work or head out on what adventure the political world throws at me, all I want to do is take a knife to them and cut them off, they shouldn’t be there and I don’t want them. I also know, I shouldn’t do that and it would do more harm than good to do that too myself.
Now I made the decision when I started transitioning that bottom surgery wasn’t in the cards for me. I don’t like the way it’s done, and I don’t the percentage of functional use or the whole manner and erection is achieved.
I decided that top surgery and a hysterectomy are what is my idea of being the person I want to be and being the male identified person I want the rest of the world to see.
I don’t want to have my own children and I never really have, I’d adopt a LGBT kid or even a teenager who knows, I have time to figure out what my idea of a family looks like. A penis doesn’t make you male it’s what the doctors uses to call you male, when you are born, before you are able to speak for yourself.
He wanted the surgery and something went medically wrong and it was not reversible, you can’t expect someone to than go through the motions of life feeling like they are “a monster” that is just as hurtful and damaging as living your life as a gender you know you aren’t.
Unless you are trans* you wouldn’t understand. You can’t just change the behavior like a diet or going to the gym. There is no way to fix it…so he decided this was the option. It’s better than suicide and he didn’t suffer and it was supervised, so at least he decided on that. This isn’t for me about the decision or discussion on euthanasia this is about being able to live as your true self.